By Gavin de Becker

A friend recommended this book to me the other year, so I got it from the library, thinking I could use it as character research. I didn’t realize it was real-life research.

Written by one of the leading authorities on security and protection, The Gift of Fear is a fascinating look into the danger signals we instinctively notice, as well as the behavioral patterns that can lead to or away from violence. Is a guy “just being nice” or is he a predator? How should you handle unhealthy persistence? Do people just “snap”? Is a threat real or imaginary? What are the signs of a toxic relationship?

Filled with true stories from ordinary people and celebrities, this book sheds light on the dangers we often overlook and teaches us not to ignore our instinct. It may save your life.

Pros: I learned a lot from this book! While I took tons of notes for stories (and used some of those notes for #192), this book has really revolutionized my thinking and perception of others around me. Some of the stuff I read were things I already knew. However, we often live with the naive belief that others are just as good or kind as we are. We ignore warning signs because “he/she must be a good person”. Repressing our instincts, we walk into a trap with our eyes wide open. Yes, this book teaches about danger from without, but it also warns of the chinks in the armor within. While women may find this book more valuable, there are chapters that apply to everyone. I highly recommend it!

Cons: My edition of this book has an updated Forward and Appendix, but it was originally published in 1997. It could use a serious update – or at least an extra chapter to deal with the new problems of internet predators and unhealthy social media relationships. 

My only other critique is that this book is very dark. It can be overwhelming to read, and while fear is presented as a gift worth having, it’s not the most hopeful gift. Fear is good, just don’t let it rule you.

Bottom Line: A sadly necessary book, but one everyone should read sooner rather than later.